Tag Archives: George W. Bush

Letterman’s Top 10 3/25/09

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Signs You Work For A Bad Company” (“Late Show,” CBS, 3/25).

10) “Workday begins with a pledge of loyalty to Kim Jong Il.”
9) “If you haven’t used your sick days, they infect you with tuberculosis.”
8 ) “They claim an excellent rating from the ‘Better Bidness Bureau.’”
7) “Only office perk is free oxygen.”
6) “Instead of raises, everyone is given raisins.”
5) “CEO recently advised employees to fake their deaths and move to Costa Rica.”
4) “Blew $40(B) in government bailout funds on a state-of-the-art taco bar.”
3) “You spend a lot of time opening for Deep Purple (sorry, that’s a sign you work for the band Bad Company).”
2) “Corporate logo is a handcuffed executive being put in a police cruiser.”
1) “Company gave George W. Bush $7(M) for his memoirs.”

Letterman’s Top 10 3/12/09

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Messages Left On Bernie Madoff’s Answering Machine” (“Late Show,” CBS, 3/12).

10) “This is Barnes & Noble. I’m sorry, we don’t sell calendars for the year 2159.”
9) “Hey Bernie, I’ve been out of the country — How are my investments doing?”
8 ) “Blockbuster calling, your copies of ‘The Great Escape’ and ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ are overdue.”
7) “Do I have the correct number? Is this 1-800-ASS?”
6) “It’s Ruth — If you go out, remember to swindle some milk and eggs.”
5) “If you’re under house arrest, why aren’t you home?”
4) “Sorry, I didn’t mean to dial your number. I just sat on my phone.”
3) “Hi Bernie, it’s A-Rod’s cousin. You looking to bulk up for prison?”
2) “It’s Michael Phelps. Need something to help you relax?”
1) “It’s George W. Bush. Can I still get in?”

Letterman’s Top 10 1/28/09

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Things Overheard at the Meeting Between Barack Obama and the Republicans” (“Late Show,” CBS, 1/28).

10) “I miss the Clinton administration when we’d meet at Hooters.”
9) “Can we wrap this up?  I’ve got tickets to the 4:30 ‘Paul Blart: Mall Cop.’”
8 ) “Smoke break!!”
7) “You fellas really need to take it easy on the Old Spice.”
6) “Mr. President: Don’t misunderestimate the Republicans.”
5) “Another smoke break!”
4) “What was the deal with Aretha Franklin’s hat?”
3) “About that tax the rich stuff — you were joking, right?”
2) “Sir, it’s refreshing to have a chief executive who speaks in complete sentences.”
1) “Senator Craig’s offering his stimulus package in the men’s room.”

What’s going through their minds? 1/8/09 (Meeting of the Presidents’ Edition)

Front Cover

From left to right what each president is either saying or thinking in the above picture:

George H.W. Bush:  Perhaps Barack, you can bring some dignity back to this office like me and Bill had.  I really don’t know what happened to that guy in between you and Bill…P.S.  I am sorry.

Barack Obama:  Umm…I don’t know what to say exactly…I mean I guess the moment I get inaugurated my presidency already has more credibility…

George W. Bush: Why isn’t anyone talking to me?  Daddy, don’t you love me anymore?  Oh well, I hope they have tacos at the luncheon…Tacos So Rule!

Bill Clinton:  Yeah, these guys can all kiss my ass.  Thats right kiss my big white New Yor…I mean Arkansas ass.  I am better looking and more successful than you all will ever be.  God, I got some good memories in this office.

Jimmy Carter: I am just surprised I got an invitation.

Letterman’s Top 10 1/7/09

 Last Night’s Top 10 List was:
Top Ten Things Overheard At The Presidents’ Lunch

10) “Sorry, you’re not on the list, Mr. Gore”

9) “If Hillary calls, I’ve been here since Monday”

8 ) “Laura! More Mountain Dew!”

7) “You guys wanna see, ‘Paul Blart: Mall Cop’?”

6) “Call the nurse — George swallowed a napkin ring!”

5) “Hey Barack, wanna go with us to Cabo in March? Oh that’s right, you have to work!”

4) “Kissey kissey”

3) “Obama? I think he’s downstairs smoking a butt”

2) “Did you ever see a monkey sneezing?”

1) “I hope Clinton’s unbuckling his belt because he’s full” 

Letterman’s Top 10 1/6/09

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Questions” (“Late Show,” CBS, 1/6).

10) “Sup?”
9) “Are you a cop?”
8 ) “Where is the husky section?”
7) “May I call you mommy?”
6) “If we can put a man on the moon, why can’t we make a denture adhesive without the unpleasant aftertaste?”
5) “Why won’t Regis shut up?”
4) “What does it sound like when a monkey sneezes?”
3) “Kisseykissey?”
2) “If I enjoy anonymous airport men’s room sex, does that make me gay?”
1) “Is it January 20th yet?”

Letterman’s Top 10 1/5/09

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Signs You’re Watching Too Much Football” (“Late Show,” CBS, 1/5).

10) “Only fresh air you’ve had this month is opening door for pizza guy.”
9) “You refer to orange juice as FedEx orange juice.”
8 ) “When wife finishes making dinner, you dump jug of Gatorade on her.”
7) “You schedule an appointment to talk to your doctor about Andy Reid’s cholesterol.”
6) “You got a telestrator in the bedroom.”
5) “Three words: Norv Turner tattoo.”
4) “Fantasize about Gisele Bundchen falling in love with you and introducing you to Tom Brady.”
3) “When you go to McDonald’s you insist on ordering the McNabb.”
2) “Laura has to keep reminding you you’re still president for two more weeks.”
1) “To be more like your favorite New York Giant, you shoot yourself in the leg.”