frazzled over twitter

Can someone please explain to me – either in a comment or a whole new post altogether – what the point of Twitter is? I signed up for an account but can’t figure out why anyone could possibly need it as a social networking tool, or what I’m supposed to do with it overall.

+5 points, maybe some chocolate chip cookies, and lots of hugs to the first person who can sell me on the twitter crack phenomenon. thanks, love, amy.

Letterman’s Top 10 3/12/09

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Messages Left On Bernie Madoff’s Answering Machine” (“Late Show,” CBS, 3/12).

10) “This is Barnes & Noble. I’m sorry, we don’t sell calendars for the year 2159.”
9) “Hey Bernie, I’ve been out of the country — How are my investments doing?”
8 ) “Blockbuster calling, your copies of ‘The Great Escape’ and ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ are overdue.”
7) “Do I have the correct number? Is this 1-800-ASS?”
6) “It’s Ruth — If you go out, remember to swindle some milk and eggs.”
5) “If you’re under house arrest, why aren’t you home?”
4) “Sorry, I didn’t mean to dial your number. I just sat on my phone.”
3) “Hi Bernie, it’s A-Rod’s cousin. You looking to bulk up for prison?”
2) “It’s Michael Phelps. Need something to help you relax?”
1) “It’s George W. Bush. Can I still get in?”

Letterman’s Top 10 3/6/09

Friday’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Signs You’re On A Bad Spring Break” (“Late Show,” CBS, 3/6).

10) “Day 6 of vacation and your US Air flight still hasn’t left the Hudson.”
9) “The ‘meal plan’ is anything that washes ashore.”
8 ) “Instead of a mint, maid leaves note on your pillow which reads, ‘Run!’”
7) “Hotel room overlooks the strip — the Gaza Strip.”
6) “The beach is famous for its beautiful white sand and deadly stingray attacks.”
5) “Couldn’t get beer, so everyone gets intoxicated sucking on a Pontiac tailpipe.”
4) “Several things in your room are marked ‘evidence.’”
3) “A perfectly good week at beach is ruined by giant fire-breathing lizards.”
2) “Only person you’ve seen naked is the maintenance guy Eduardo.”
1) “Your girlfriend finally puts out, just not with you.”

Letterman’s Top 10 3/5/09

Last night’s Top Ten list, read by ten players from the U.S. WBC team via satellite, was “Top Ten Reasons To Watch the World Baseball Classic” (“Late Show,” CBS, 3/5).

10) Phillies SS Jimmy Rollins: “Due to the economic crisis, we all have to share the same pair of pants.”
9) Tigers CF Curtis Granderson: “Japan has one of them crazy robot shortstops.”
8 ) Red Sox 2B Dustin Pedroia: “Because it’s an international event, our right fielder is Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.”
7) Braves 3B Chipper Jones: “The winning team plays Neptune in the Galactic Baseball Classic.”
6) Astros P Roy Oswalt: “It’s fascinating seeing how players from other countries scratch themselves.”
5) Nationals 1B Adam Dunn: “You’ll be part of a cherished baseball tradition dating all the way back to 2006.”
4) Brewers LF Ryan Braun: “Because of the metric system, the games will be 6.83 innings.”
3) Red Sox 1B Kevin Youkilis: “Before each game, you get to sit through 30 different national anthems.”
2) Mets 3B David Wright: “Australia’s secret weapon: a fastball-throwin’ kangaroo.”
1) Yankees SS Derek Jeter: “What else are you going to watch, hockey?”

Letterman’s Top 10 3/4/09

Last night’s Top Ten list, read by the members of U2 in-studio, was “Top Ten Things U2 Has Learned Over The Years” (“Late Show,” CBS, 3/4).

10) “A lot of people think I’m the guy who sang with Cher.”
9) “I suck at ‘Guitar Hero.’”
8 ) “Dumb people send us videos all the time. They think we’re YouTube.”
7) “Even my family asks, ‘Are you Adam or Larry?’”
6) “There’s always quite a stir at Applebee’s when they call, ‘U2 — party of four.’”
5) “Cool name: The edge. Uncool name: The itch.”
4) “Melted cheese tastes good on practically everything.”
3) “Sometimes when we shout, ‘Are you ready to rock?!’ I don’t care if you’re ready to rock.”
2) “It’s never too soon to start working on a phony Irish accent.”
1) “Up close, you can totally see Letterman’s hairpiece.”

Random Things Brewing… and No, Not Like That, You Smelly Boys

Hi loves,

I’m addicted to Newser because I find it provides myriad news topics that I wouldn’t normally see if I weren’t browsing the NYT (although the Times is my BFF). Thus, I thought I’d provide you with a link to this article to get your thoughts on it. In brief, the article is related to a German auto supplier whose request for government bailout money was recently denied due to the company’s usage of slave labor & “Auschwitz cloth” during WWII. Now, I understand the German government’s staunch opposition to condoning anything Holocaust related these days (trust me, six months basically full time at the Museum would convert ANYONE – no pun intended), but my question is this: should a company that DOESN’T allow these human rights violations now be penalized for practices done almost 70 years ago – practices that, when put in context, were inevitable to ensure the company’s survival? Certainly, it goes without saying that neither presently nor retroactively do I endorse human rights violations. However… think of the culture of terror that revolved around the Reich. The presumably hundreds – if not thousands – of Catholic/Gentile employees of that company would’ve been killed if they objected to Hitler & Eichmann’s practices. Essentially, could you blame them for allowing the usage of Auschwitz hair in their factories? Plenty of enterprises throughout Hitler’s occupied Europe used the goods that came from the camps. This was, in retrospect, some sort of a survival tactic. Should the current Schaeffler directors & employees be deprived of necessary governmental assistance because of something that was essentially required decades ago to ensure the survival of their employer?

(Sorry. Y’all know I ❤ Holocaust history. Also, the hair is, hands down, the scariest thing I saw at the Auschwitz exhibit – there’s ONE red braid laying on top of the rest – so my apologies for going on about this. But please comment… I always wonder if my perspective on this is whack.)

Second, I’ve noticed an astonishingly stupid trend among DC drivers in the last few months. As I basically drive around the District for a living, I can’t help but yell at dumb GW hoez & broz for their total failure to drive correctly: failure to wait their turn at 4-way stop signs, failure to lay off the fucking horn, failure to acknowledge you when you do them a favor in traffic. (Sorry for my GW jab – but does anyone really care about those dbags anyway??) However, I think the dumbest trend I’ve observed young drivers following is their tendency to wear their iPod earbuds while driving. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THIS IS ABSURD??! Not only are these fucktards oblivious to my right of way at any particular moment, but they’re also oblivious to a conscientious driver like myself honking at them to warn them of an accident because they’ve got Ben Kweller / Gwen Stefani / Dave Matthews blasting in their ears. WTF?! Does anyone else find this as irresponsible as I do?

Okay, I’m done. Time for beddy bye. Gnite lovers. -Double Agent.

Letterman’s Top 10 3/3/09

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Signs Your Stockbroker is Losing It” (“Late Show,” CBS, 3/3).

10) His “office” is in the patio section at Wal-Mart
9) Assures you President McCain will lower interest rates
8 ) Buys 15,000 shares of a company called “Gogle”
7) He has a seat on the Bayonne Stock Exchange
6) When you ask him what he thinks about the market, he does this: “meow”
5) Last week, got into a shouting match with his calculator
4) Claims to be the bastard child of Merill and Lynch
3) When the opening bell rings, he screams, “Fire!”
2) Makes you call him “mommy” so he can list you as a dependent
1) During the day he handles your money; at night he handles your wife