Letterman’s Top 10 3/17/09

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Things You Don’t Want To Hear From A Guy Dressed As A Leprechaun” (“Late Show,” CBS, 3/17).

10) “I’m large for a leprechaun because my cousin injected me in the ass with steroids.”

9) “Look, I know I’m 5 months late, but trick or treat.”

“Touch my hat and it’s go time.”

7) “This colorful costume distracts you while my buddy steals your purse.”

6) “Last night, I gave your sister a little luck of the Irish.”

5) “I just got laid off from my job as a garden gnome.”

4) “Surprise, you’re on ‘Howie Do It!’”

3) “Hi, are you my blind date?”

2) “I gave my pot of gold to that bastard Bernie Madoff.”

1) “Want to help drive the snake out of my pants?”