Letterman’s Top 10 12/23/08

Last night’s Top Ten List was entitled “Top 10 Least Popular Mall Stores”:

10) Old Gravy

9) Bath, Bed, and Blagojevich

8 ) Infected Foot Locker

7) Men’s Big, Tall and Stupid

6) Turban Outfitters

5) JC Penniless (that’s how bad the economy is, people!)

4) Hammacher Schlemmacher Hamma Schlemma Hammaschlemmacher Schlem Schlem

3) Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi Scheme Mart

2) Amy Winehouse House Of Wine

1) Condoleeza’s Secret

Meet the Yankees New First Baseman

 

 

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3790141

In my opinion, the best move the Yankees have made this offseason.  Mark Teixeira: A switch-hitting, two-time gold glove winning stalwart to protect our corner, as well as A-Rod in our lineup.  Things are continuing to look brighter for opening day in the Bronx.  The Yankees have claimed the two best free agents on the market, and also hold the four largest contracts in the major league.

Letterman’s Top 10 12/22/08

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Answers To The Question, ‘How Cold Is It?’” (“Late Show,” CBS, 12/22).

10) “It’s so cold, auto company executives are asking Congress for soup.”

9) “It’s so cold, Tom Cruise is making a movie about a plot to assassinate Al Roker.”

8 ) “It’s so cold, Starbucks is selling an antifreeze macchiato.”

7) “It’s so cold, MSNBC employees gathered around Keith Olbermann’s giant head for warmth.”

6) “It’s so cold, Bernie Madoff was defrauding Eskimos.”

5) “It’s so cold, this morning it took Joe Biden 40 minutes to defrost his hair plugs.”

4) “It’s so cold, OJ led an armed raid to retrieve his space heater.”

3) “It’s so cold, Apple just introduced something called the iScarf.”

2) “It’s so cold, Iraqis are throwing snowshoes at President Bush.”

1) “It’s so cold, Santa said, ‘Screw Christmas’ and took off for Rio.”

Letterman’s Top 10 12/18/08

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Least Popular Holiday Songs.” The list was performed on stage by “The Late Show Cobblestone Carolers” and sung to the tune of popular Christmas songs (“Late Show,” CBS, 12/18).

10) “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, absolutely nothing, because of the bad economy.” (12 Days of Christmas)

9) “Amy, the red-nosed Winehouse, will need a new liver soon.” (Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer)

8 ) “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But Al Gore tells me we’re all screwed.” (White Christmas)

7) “Biden might, do all right, if his hair plugs stay in tight.” (Silent Night)

6) “Dr. Tannenbaum, Dr. Tannenbaum, is Cialis right for me?” (Oh Tannenbaum)

5) “Deck the halls with illegal payoffs, bla-bla-bla-bla-bla, Blagojevich.” (Deck the Halls)

4) “Ahmadinejad. Ahmadinejad. Ahmadinejad, you set our heart aglow, like a spent fuel rod.” (Feliz Navidad)

3) “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, 1929.”

2) “I have an irregular heartbeat, pah-rump-puh-puh-pum-pum.” (Little Drummer Boy)

1) “Joy to the world, George Bush is done.”

Secession?

The issue has been reintroduced but Councilmember Lanza:

In a move that is certain to reignite old passions among Staten Islanders, State Senator Andrew J. Lanza is planning to introduce legislation to call again for his borough to secede from the rest of New York City.

Mr. Lanza, a Republican who represents about two-thirds of Staten Island, said in an interview on Wednesday that he was motivated to draft the bill because of residents of the island continued to feel unduly burdened by taxes and less-than-stellar city services. He said Staten Island residents have complained for years that they felt overlooked by the rest of the city, particularly on city services and mass transportation.

At first I had a strong negative reaction to the idea- why would we want to secede? But then I wonder why Lanza seems so insistent about the idea- it may just be a political ploy for publicity, but it may actually be a real issue. Anyway, any thoughts? As an aside, Kate and I were forced to do a little Island defending on the City Room comments since we were met with the usual hate and snobbery that NyTimes commentors display towards the Island (Kate and CBeltran are our userIds…surprising, I know). At the moment, I am agnostic on the issue- I just don’t know enough about the tax/city services situation to have an opinion, but welcome yours.

Letterman’s Top 10 12/17/08

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Things Jim Carrey Will Always Say ‘Yes’ To.” Letterman: “There’s a new movie coming out for the holidays, Jim Carrey is the star, based on a book by a writer in London who decided he would just say ‘yes’ to everything. Too much negativity in the world.” Carrey then appeared via satellite in a bathtub to present the list. Letterman: “Is there a mix-up? Should we come back later? Why exactly are you in the tub there?” Carrey: “Multitasking. Very, very busy” (“Late Show,” CBS, 12/17).

10) “Dressing up like an Iraqi and throwing a shoe at President Bush.”

9) “Watching YouTube videos of guys getting hit in the nuts.”

8 ) “A fan asking for a hug — unless it’s a dude.”

7) “Fresh ground pepper.” Carrey then pulls out a pepper shaker and adds some pepper to his bath.

6) “David Letterman’s drunken requests to see me taking a bath.”

5) “People who ask me to say, ‘All-righty then!’ That never gets old.”

4) “Sex with a big, fat roadside waitress.”

3) “Lucrative endorsement deals: Remember, you’re not fully clean unless you’re Zestfully clean.” Carrey holds up a package of Zest soap.

2) “The question, ‘Aren’t you Jim Carrey, the funniest, sexiest, most talented man in all ofHollywood? And may I pleasure you?’”

1) “Tub time with Larry King.” The real Larry King, in shirt and tie, is shown in the tub with Carrey handing him a champagne glass.

Letterman’s Top 10 12/16/08

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Craziest Things People Say About Tom Cruise On The Internet.” Actor Tom Cruise was a guest on the show last night and read the list while sitting at the desk with CBS’ Letterman (“Late Show,” CBS, 12/16).

10) “I sleep upside-down suspended in a special bat-like harness.”

9) “During the filming of ‘Days of Thunder,’ on a dare I ate a tire.”

8 ) “I still wear those underpants from ‘Risky Business.’”

7) “My real name is Tom Blagojevich.”

6) “I once Heimliched a koala.”

5) “Once a month, I take the Universal Studio tour naked.”

4) “I believe all emotional and psychological disorders can be cured with Vicks VapoRub.”

3) “I’m a power-mad egomaniac who’s completely insulated from reality. Oh, wait, no that’s Letterman.”

2) “After jumping on her couch, Oprah hammer-locked me til I coughed blood.”

1) “I keep a cell phone in my pants so I can tell friends, ‘Call my ass.’”

Free Money

Yes, I know what you are thinking…”How did spam email get onto our blog?!?!” 

It didn’t.  The Fed just cut its target rate.  And it cut it big time…what started the day at 1.00, now will sit in a “target range” of 0-0.25

When the Fed “cuts rates”, this refers to a decision by the FOMC to reduce the federal funds target rate. The target rate is a guideline for the actual rate that banks charge each other on overnight reserve loans.Rates on interbank loans are negotiated by the individual banks and usually stay close to the target rate. The target rate may also be referred to as the “federal funds rate” or the “nominal rate”.

The federal funds rate is important because many other rates, domestic and international, are linked directly to it or move closely with it.

http://www.investopedia.com/articles/economics/08/interest-rate-affecting-consumers.asp

Basically, the interest rate charged to banks to borrow money is a hair above, if not at, zero.  Thus, the banks then aren’t going to charge high rates for interbank overnight loans, meaning that if you can get a loan or a mortgage at this time, you will basically just have to pay your loan amount, not an obscene interest charge as well.  Traders are looking at this with dismay, as the dollar is going to lose value because of the Fed decision.

God, I love the economy.  Is it 2009 yet?

Triumphant Return

Greetings, friends.

Now, isn’t that depressing?  Note the slow-down from 1992 -2000, specifically second term.

And secondly, courtesy of Digg:

John Forbes Nash Jr., Ph.D., winner of the 1994 Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences, discusses the need for gold standard or other standard capable of fighting inflation & blames Keynesian economic theories which have sold the public on the notion that inflation is acceptable, leading to bad mortgage loans which led to the economic meltdown

READ MORE

Wow. What a Name.  Forbes Nash – what name could you trust more for economic theory?

(Except for Ron Paul, the man I’d still trust with anything.)

Hurray for grand returns!

[insert foot/shoe/kick in the ass pun here]

does no one else think this is hilarious!? i can’t believe no one posted this already!

“K-Rod Promises to Bring the Heat”

I already love this guy. And, a choice quote for the non-Met New York fans (Yankee fans, I guess):

“Not to disrespect other cities, but New York is really different,” Rodriguez said, spoken almost like a lifelong New Yorker. “The fans are really passionate. A lot of players like to be on that stage. I’m the kind of guy that likes to be on the big stage. I’m the kind of guy that likes to be involved in the pressure.”

Even if the velocity explanation isn’t totally convincing, I like his style.

Edit:

It gets better:

Francisco Rodriguez has a message for the Philadelphia Phillies and the rest of the NL East.

Of course, we’re going to try to win the division. Of course, we’re going to be the front-runner. Of course, we’re going to be the team to beat,” he said Saturday…

I don’t want there to be a controversy or the other ballclubs in that division to take it personally or take it in a bad way,” he said. “If they ask me, ‘Oh, which ballclub is going to win the National League East?’ It’s going to be the Mets. Easy question.”

It’s going to be an interesting season.

Burnett to the Yanks

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3765754

Free agent right-hander A.J. Burnett has reached preliminary agreement on a five-year, $82.5 million contract with the New York Yankees, a baseball source told ESPN.com.

 

Burnett

While Yankees general manager Brian Cashman and Burnett’s agent, Darek Braunecker are still negotiating final contract terms, the deal is expected to be complete once Burnett passes a physical exam, the source said. 

Burnett, who turns 32 in January, will join CC Sabathia at the top of a revamped starting rotation in New York. The Yankees agreed to terms on a seven-year, $161 million contract with Sabathia earlier this week.

The Yankees made a late charge to beat out the Atlanta Braves for Burnett, who went 18-10 with a 4.07 ERA in 35 starts with Toronto this season. New York is still looking for one more starter, and Cashman left the winter meetings in Las Vegas this week to meet with long-time Yankee Andy Pettitte.

In December 2005, Braunecker and his agency, Frontline Sports Management, negotiated a five-year, $55 million deal that included an opt out clause after three seasons. It was the first opt-out provision ever in a pitcher’s contract.

Between the money that Burnett earned in Toronto and the guaranteed $82.5 million that he’s scheduled to receive from the Yankees, his overall payout from the 2005 Toronto contract will amount to $115.5 million over eight seasons.

Vito Fossella’s Timeline, aka How to Ruin the Republican Party of Staten Island (not that that is a bad thing…)

As many of have met or at least been in the same room as the (soon to be former) Congressman from NY-13, I thought the following would bring a nice close to his tenure representing us…

From DailyKos:

1998: Rep. Vito Fossella, new in Congress, votes to impeach President Clinton.

May 1, 2008: Vito Fossella is kicked out of Washington, DC’s Logan Tavern for excessive drunkenness, following a party at the White House in honor of the Super Bowl champion New York Giants

Shortly after, he is arrested for driving while intoxicated in Alexandria, Virginia. When asked about his destination, Fossella informs police that he is “going to visit his sick daughter”. This is especially noteworthy because his family lives in New York City.

   Mr. Fossella was asked to recite the alphabet between the letters D and T. “The subject immediately started and said ‘A, B,’ ” the officer wrote in his report.

   After the officer explained the test again, Mr. Fossella started: “D, E, F, H, G, H, I, J, L,” and then was able to finish.

Ibanez Replaces Burrell On Phils

ESPN.com:

The Phillies have agreed to a three-year contract with free-agent outfielder Raul Ibanez, pending a physical. The deal is believed to be worth $30 million over three years.

The 36-year-old Ibanez will become the Phillies’ new every-day leftfielder, and his signing means the Phillies no longer will pursue their long-time leftfielder, Pat Burrell, who is also a free agent.

So much for the Mets getting him. Maybe we can get Burrell himself and rid ourselves of that Met Killer.

Hamels: Mets have been ‘choke artists’

As World Series champions, the Philadelphia Phillies have earned the right to flaunt their status. Pitcher Cole Hamels might have gone a little overboard, and at the expense of the team’s bitter rival, no less.

 

For the past two years they’ve been choke artists. 

– Cole Hamels

 

In an interview on New York sports talk station WFAN on Thursday, Hamels, the World Series MVP, responded in the affirmative when asked if he thought the Mets were “choke artists.”

“Last year and this year I think we did believe that [they were choke artists],” Hamels told the station, alluding to the Phillies winning the NL East in 2008 and ‘07, in part, with the help of back-to-back September collapses by New York. “Three years ago we didn’t because they smoked everybody, and I think we all thought they were going to win it all. Unfortunately that didn’t happen.”

The Mets won 97 games and the NL East title in 2006 but lost to the Cardinals in the NL Championship Series in seven games.

“But, yeah, that’s kind of what we believed and I think we’re always going to believe that until they prove us wrong,” Hamels said. “For the past two years they’ve been choke artists.”

The trash talk between the two teams started before the 2007 season when Phillies shortstopJimmy Rollins pronounced Philadelphia the team to beat in the NL East even though New York ran away with the division crown in ‘06. New York squandered a seven-game cushion with 17 to play in 2007 as the Phillies took the division and Rollins went on to win the NL MVP award.

Early in spring training this year, after the Mets acquired ace left-hander Johan Santana, normally quiet outfielder Carlos Beltran had a message for Rollins, saying the Mets were the team to beat in 2008. New York finished second in the East to Philadelphia and the Phillies went on to beat theTampa Bay Rays in the World Series.

 

I figured this blog was starting to have a Mets bias.  So I figured we could even it out a bit.

Marquis to Mets?

It’d be a great pick-up. The Staten Island product has had a fair career in the last few years and would be a solid #5. Mostly, I like him because he pitched at Tottenville. Apparently, he’s also a pretty good hitter. While he only has a .207 career batting average, his average with two outs and runners in scoring position is .292 (in a somewhat statistically robust 49 plate appearances). Higher than A-Rod (really). Ha.

Letterman’s Top 10 12/11/08

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Messages Left On Rod Blagojevich’s Answering Machine” (“Late Show,” CBS, 12/10).

10) “For 10 grand can you make me pope?”

9) “Hello, is this the Blog-o-bloga-a-da-go-bl-vipich residence?”

8 ) “Hi, it’s OJ. Wanna be cellmates?”

7) “Oh, I’m sorry; I think I have the wrong Blagojevich.”

6) “Hi, it’s Larry Craig – Did I hear something about a senator’s seat being available?”

5) “I’m calling about your Senate seat on Craigslist. Wanna trade for a futon?”

4) “Hey it’s Cheney – damn, even I think you’re sleazy.”

3) “You really Blagojevich’d your political career.”

2) “I’m guessing you didn’t spend the bribe money on that haircut.”

1) “It’s Sarah Palin. Thanks for replacing me as the country’s most embarrassing governor.”

Got’em: Mets Acquire Former-Closer Putz to Back-up K-Rod

Care of the Mets Website:

LAS VEGAS — The Seattle Mariners sent right-handed reliever J.J. Putz to the New York Mets on Wednesday night as part of a three-team, nine-player trade with the Cleveland Indians.

The Mariners receive right-handed pitcher Aaron Heilman, outfielder Endy Chavez and first baseman Mike Carp from the Mets, along with outfielder Franklin Gutierrez from the Indians.

Putz, who has been involved in trade rumors for several weeks, becomes the eighth-inning setup man for new Mets closer Frankie Rodriguez. Second baseman Luis Valbuena will go the Indians, who also get right-handed pitcher Joe Smith from the Mets in the deal.

Sadly, both Joe Smith and Endy Chavez were casualties of the move. I will miss them dearly- and then I will rejoice over our completely upgraded bullpen. Ballin’.

New Yanks Ace:

Just look at that belly. Christ. He’ll be the biggest pitcher to pitch for the Yanks since the Roided Rocket (Clemens, not Trader) came back for a brief and unimpressive stint.

The Big Three

I know there is a lot to be said for the onerous union contracts contributing to their downfall,  but I think this is too good to pass up.