Slimy Campaigning, New Testament Style

Notwithstanding the potential for a mistaken equation of Obama and Jesus, I think this ad highlights where the McCain campaign has found itself:

Letterman’s Top 10 10/30/08

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Things That Went Through Cole Hamels‘ Mind After Winning The World Series.” Phillies Pitcher and World Series MVP Cole Hamels presented the “Top Ten” list live on stage (“Late Show,” CBS, 10/30). 

10)  “Maybe I’ll get to be on ‘Dancing With The Stars.’”

9)  “Can I wear my cup in the off-season?”

8 )  “The Rays collapsed faster than my 401(K) – hi-yooo!”

7)  “How cool a name is Cole Hamels?”

6)  “This must be how the Yankees used to feel.”

5)  “Is the Phillie Phanatic hitting on my wife?”

4)  “Seriously, how cool a name is Cole Hamels?”

3)  “How can I celebrate when the nation’s economic output is the weakest it’s been since the third quarter of 2001?”

2)  “I hope John McCain will start calling me ‘Cole the Pitcher.’”

1)  “Now maybe I’ll get to appear on Leno.”

Letterman’s Top 10 10/27/08

Last night’s “Top Ten” list was “Top Ten Sarah Palin Excuses For Spending $150,000 On Clothes” (“Late Show,” CBS, 10/27).

10) “Need to look good for the Russians who can see me in Alaska.”

9) “Hell, the old man spends more on Polident.”

8 ) “Auditioning to be Paris Hilton’s BFF.”

7) “Wanted to impress the American voters in the evening gown competition.”

6) “Maverick, Joe the Plumber, maverick, maverick, William Ayers, you betcha!”

5) “I fell for the liberal retailers’ ‘Gotcha sales tactics.’”

4) “Because the dollar is so weak, it’s really like I only spent $50,000.”

3) “Hmm…excuses? I’ll find some and I’ll get right back to ya!”

2) “In addition to every newspaper and magazine, I also read every catalog.”

1) “The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: lipstick, Prada shoes, a Gucci handbag, and a few $3,000 suits.”

Quote of the Day; October 26th, 2008

Care of the Anchorage Daily News, the largest newspaper in Alaska:

[D]espite her formidable gifts, few who have worked closely with the governor would argue she is truly ready to assume command of the most important, powerful nation on earth. To step in and juggle the demands of an economic meltdown, two deadly wars and a deteriorating climate crisis would stretch the governor beyond her range. Like picking Sen. McCain for president, putting her one 72-year-old heartbeat from the leadership of the free world is just too risky at this time.

They formally endorsed Barack Obama.

In Case You Were Thinking of Staying Home…

Imagine waking up and seeing this on Nov. 5th.

more about “In Case You Were Thinking of Staying …“, posted with vodpod

WASSUP

A nice spin on a classic:

Real Americans

I realize that if I (or we) posted every good speech Obama made, there’d scarcely be room for other things. However, I think this short (~ five minute) one merits posting. It sort of captures how I feel about the supreme absurdity of the Palin-McCain strategy to divide the country into parts that are “real” Americans and parts that aren’t.

RLY? RLY.

I test your observation skillz:

Hat tip to reddit and Daily Kos.

Are You a Real American?

In the event that you don’t have enough time to watch this whole video, the short answer is no, you’re not a real American. In fact, you probably hate this country.I am not sure how McCain expects to get votes by alienating more and more of the country. I understand that small-town “middle America” is part of his base, but for him to even carry those states he may need some votes from, you know, those America-haters in the cities (of VA or IN or MI).

Hilarious!

This is not good. It’s so late right now; I’m laughing so hard I’m afraid I’m going to wake up my whole house. Enjoy! =D -Double Agent

Vito Fossella to serve 5 day sentence

Staten Island’s Fossella convicted of drunken driving

by Staten Island Advance

Friday October 17, 2008, 7:17 PM

Rep. Vito Fossella’s drunken driving trial is taking place today at the Franklin Backus Courthouse in Alexandria, Va.

Advance file photo

Rep. Vito Fossella’s drunken driving trial is taking place today at the Franklin Backus Courthouse in Alexandria, Va.

A Virginia judge has found disgraced Rep. Vito Fossella guilty of drunken driving charges.

“The court finds the commonwealth has met its burden of proof and finds the defendant guilty,” said Alexandria (Va.) General District Court Judge Becky Moore in announcing her verdict.

Fossella will be sentenced Dec. 8, when the court will decide if prosecutors had met the legal requirement for high blood alcohol content, which would mean a mandatory five-day jail sentence.

Lawyers for the congressmen tried several times today — without success – to have charges and evidence thrown out. They produced several witnesses who were with Fossella the night of his arrest to testify that he was sober.

Even Fossella took the stand to maintain his innocence.

Arresting officer Jamie Gernatt told the court the politician failed to adequately pass sobriety tests when he was pulled over after running a red light.

Fossella’s DWI arrest led to revelations that the congressman had fathered a child with a retired Air Force lieutenant colonel during an extramarital affair. The woman, divorced Alexandria resident Laura Fay, picked Fossella up from the jailhouse after he was released. In the wake of the scandal, Fossella announced that he would not seek re-election next month.

Letterman’s Top 10 10/17/08

Last night’s “Top Ten” list was “Top Ten Messages Left On Joe The Plumber’s Answering Machine” (“Late Show,” CBS, 10/16).

10) “Hey, heard you mentioned in the debate. Now can you come over and get the hairball out of my drain?”

9) “Joe Six Pack calling. What are you trying to pull?”

8 ) “Sorry, wrong number. I was looking for Larry the Cable Guy.”

7) “Dude – did you get to meet Fannie Mae?”

6) “This is Sarah Palin. Do you consider yourself a maverick plumber?”

5) “You had a better night than Joe the Dodgers’ manager.”

4) “This is Bob Schieffer. Hijack one of my debates again and I’ll bust your kneecaps with a pipe wrench.”

3) “Joe, you gotta get a copy of this Late Show Fun Facts book – it’s hilarious!”

2) “It’s Brian from the Late Show, are you available tonight if McCain cancels?”

1) “It’s Madonna, are you seeing anybody?”

Quote of the Day: 10-17-08

Speaking last night at the 63rd Annual Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner, both John McCain and Barack Obama were able to relax from the stresses of campaigning and have a little fun with their speeches.  I think one of the better lines came from Obama when, after asking where the Greek Columns he requested for the stage were, said:

“Contrary to the rumors you have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father, Jor-el, to save the planet Earth.”

Yes, my friends, thats right.  Barack Obama is Superman.

Joe the Plumber gets contract to an anonymous Senator’s 8 houses.

Things continue to look up for Joe Wurzelbacher aka Joe the Plumber.  

Reports have been coming in that a high level anonymous senator from a Western state has decided to exclusively provide a contract to fix the pipes and toilets at all 8 of the senator’s houses throughout America.  These locations include: three in the Phoenix, AZ area, two in the San Diego area, and at least one more in the Arlington, VA area among a few others throughout the country.

Wurzelbacher was unavailable for comment, but sources close to him said a motorcade came to the Toledo plumber’s house late Tuesday night and an elderly gentleman, a tall blonde lady, and a fairly attractive brunette wearing a sash from what appeared to be a beauty pageant all went inside for a quick meeting.  After 15 minutes, the respected parties parted ways and appeared content about what had transpired within Wurzelbacher’s house.

Top McCain officials denied that it was McCain, claiming he was in New York preparing for the debate and denied claims that he owned 8 houses…”John (McCain) was entrenched in preparing for the debate on Tuesday night.  There was no way that he came out of his hotel room after watching FOX News screaming warm up my plane we are heading to Toledo.  Also, who really owns 8 houses?  This isn’t a real concern to us.  We need to find ways to make Senator (Barack) Obama look bad…err, I mean keep Senator McCain’s campaign on course.”

Either way, it appears “Joe the Plumber” will have plenty of more work in the coming weeks now that he has to travel across the country to earn his exclusive, yet profitable contract.

Joe the Plumber eagerly awaiting increased business after tonight’s debate.

The clear winner of tonight’s debate is….

Joe the Plumber.

 

As of tomorrow morning, everyone in America will be lining up to get their pipes fixed by this Ohio plumber worried about his tax cut.  Just one simple question to Barack Obama, and boom…everyone is knocking down your door to stop their pipes from leaking and unclog your toilets.  I will tell you this…as of tonight he is now the most famous plumber since Mario and Luigi.  His business will soon see a boost, and he can thank John McCain.

Letterman’s Top 10 10/14/08

Last night’s Top Ten list was “Top Ten Ways John McCain Can Turn It Around” (“Late Show,” CBS, 10/14).

10) “Try the old ‘I’ll vote for you if you vote for me’ trick.”

9) “Inspire America by jumping Straight Talk Express over Snake River Canyon.”

8 ) “Change name to Jorack McBama.”

7) “Start wearing a cape.”

6) “Step one: Send Bin Laden free tickets to Giants game. Step two: When he shows up in East Rutherford, New Jersey, expecting to enjoy some Big Blue smash mouth football: gotcha sucka!”

5) “Sizzling tango with Cloris Leachman on ‘Dancing With The Stars.’”

4) “Put more effort into budget plan, less effort into Facebook status updates.”

3) “Point out his steady leadership got us through the Great Depression.”

2) “Assure voters the only poll that matters is in his pants.”

1) “Get Sarah Palin to illegally fire herself.”

Letterman’s Top 10 10/13/08

Last night’s “Top Ten” list was “Top Ten Surprises In The Sarah Palin ‘Troopergate’ Investigation Report.” CBS’ Letterman: “Sarah Palin, the Governor of Alaska, was involved in some kind of an investigation and it had to do with her, I guess, beating a guy to death. … An investigation concluded that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin abused her power in her push for the firing of a state trooper who was once married to her sister” (“Late Show,” CBS, 10/13).

10) “Spent thousands of tax-payer dollars pimpin’ her dog sled.”

9) “Terminated her hairstylist after receiving a bad beehive.”

8 ) “Palin claims she hasn’t seen this kind of misuse of justice since Supreme Court case of…umm, lemme think of one.”

7) “In her adult life has never gone more than ten minutes without saying, ‘You betcha!’”

6) “No number six — writer looking for his hairbrush.” (A hairbrush was found on stage during the monologues.)

5) “Report’s conclusion: ‘Hey, at least she didn’t shoot a guy like Cheney!’”

4) “Spent eight weeks in rehab for addiction to lip gloss.”

3) “When asked to respond to charges said, ‘Instead of answering your question, I’m going to talk about energy.’”

2) “The report is printed in extra-large font so McCain can read it!”

1) “Palin’s excuse: ‘It wasn’t me, it was Tina Fey.’”

Yarrr Vote Counts, But Halloween Brings a Sea-slide Election for Mateys

Apparently, both McCain & Obama agreed recently that their favorite Halloween costumes were pirate ones, according to this arrrrrghticle.

Let me say but two things: I am absolutely thrilled by this information. Rum all around!

Also, I vow to apply for a position with the Obama campaign immediately if I found out that they are dressing up for Halloween… bonus points if they unite to burn, pillage & rape (questionable) swing states.

Yarrghhh.

What a Novel Idea!

Markets can go up too! I had almost forgotten:

They went up 11%.

Ballin’

Edit: Apparently the picture I linked to is constantly updated as the day goes on, so while the title may become irrelevant, the picture will always be right.

Sarah and Todd Palin’s Wedding

 

I think the best part is The Bible is a Reader’s Digest.